One of a kind Christmas

This year we had a wonderful Christmas - different from any that we've had before. For various reasons we had made the decision to stay in NC for the holidays. Out of four sets of parents, none were able to make the trip this year to see us either. So we were expecting a quiet day. Christmas Eve we went to our 5:30 service at church where I played and sang for a portion of the service. Since we had no other plans we looked for a restaurant to eat at. Many suggestions had been given to find a Chinese place but instead we ate at one of our favorite places, Chili's. We went home and read the Christmas story to the kids which has become a Christmas Eve tradition for our family.
The girls were very excited and Christmas day began at 7 a.m. The girls love to watch each other open their presents, so we took our time with each gift. When the packages began to dwindle down I could sense a bit of disappointment in my eldest's eyes. She even mumble to no one in particular, that she wasn't getting the American girl she wanted. But then I reminded her that there were still some presents tucked behind the tree. Anna received the American Girl, Julie and Emily received, Kit. These they had been asking for, for several months and were overjoyed! The other prized possession was wrapped and placed in the tree - the High School Musical 3 soundtrack. Fortunately they have their own CD player in their room or John and I may have gone crazy by now listening to it.
One set of friends began calling us by mid morning, when are you coming over, they asked. We really had not planned on leaving the apartment for the day, so we were trying to decide what to do. The day before I had prepared some items for us to cook for our family on Christmas. We had even bought a turkey to cook on the grill. We decided to just take the food with us and carried it down to their house. So we spent the rest of the day with friends, eating and relaxing. The kids played with their new things. Later that evening another family came over as well and we played some new games. The children began to tire and we decided it was time to go.
Once we had gotten in the car, we realized that some of our kids were a bit hungry since they had been more busy playing and less busy eating. So where else was there to stop on Christmas Day - Waffle House!
Our family plus one other went to Waffle House for dinner, that was four adults and eight children. Can you imagine trying to find tables enough to seat us? Well, John and I laughed as we reminisced over our day. It was definitely a Christmas to remember. After a few waffles and hash brown eaten we drove to a nearby neighborhood with Christmas lights. One street in particular had syncronated lights set to music which you could tune into on the radio. It was really amazing and the perfect way to end our day, the first Christmas in NC!

Emily Dances

Last night the whole family went with Emily to dance class. She has been so excited and counted the days until parent night. We got to enjoy watching her perform two routines. Her eyes sparkled! Every now and then in moments of concentration she would stick out her tongue - something she inherited from her dad. Enjoy the slide show.

9 weeks and counting

Well, I have now made two trips to the Health Department. I was so glad that my husband was able to watch the other children while I was there. There are many posters and pictures on the walls that would make way for too many questions, I'm afraid. Even in the waiting room, they have a safe s*e*x video playing, I imagine to educate the teen mothers in the room. With all that said, I was a little frustrated with my last visit there. Since we will not be on full health insurance again until March 1st (that day can not come soon enough) I am trying to figure out a way to see a doctor until then. The Health Department was going to deny us assistance because John makes too much. That was both good and bad. Yes it is good to know that we are better off than the average family, but bad because we just missed the "poor enough" mark. But God is good and somehow we got in for 80%. Which means that I will have to pay 80% of the first OB visit. So I go to see a doctor on Dec. 30th. My main concern at this point is, please let there only be ONE heart beat in there! Why I am I so concerned about this, not sure? I've never even thought of that scenario before. But now it seems to be of utmost importance to me. Surely God knows that I have all that I can handle.

Family Picture Day

It's always a task to get everyone ready for a family portrait. John's company offered a family picture day at their studio in Charlotte last Saturday. We went ahead and took advantage of it since it is hard for us to all be in the picture when John is usually the one behind the camera. Our appointment was for 3:45 in the afternoon. And all of you moms out there know that is not exactly the best time of day for children. I was a little nervous about how we were going to get Kelsey to smile and even be pleasant without an afternoon nap, let alone a stranger talking to her and trying to get her to smile. But God was merciful and it was probably the quickest, easiest picture taking experience we have ever had.
I made the girls skirts from fabric that I found online at fabric.com, the pink shoes came from Walmart, and the matching tops I found at Old Navy. I think it turned out quite nicely.

Excited?

This is so much harder than I remember. My oldest daughter asked me today if I was excited about having another baby. My response was mostly out of defense. I explained to her that when a woman gets pregnant she usually feels sick and very tired and it is hard to think about a baby when you're sick all the time. But that should pass at some point and then it would be easier to be excited. Her reaction was perfect. She didn't give me any sympathy that I was looking for, nor did she waiver in her tone but simply said, "Well, I'm excited, Mommy, I can't wait." Thank you Lord, for her gentle spirit and her anticipation, something I lack at the moment.

Kelsey's birthday

Today is Kelsey's third birthday. It is hard to believe that these past three years have gone by so fast. Because we were with family last week for Thanksgiving we got to celebrate with her grandparents and cousins. But again today we celebrated with our new friends in NC. One of Kelsey's friends has the exact same birthday and they are only about an hour apart in age. This has been a true blessing and shows the providence of God over our lives. How could He have placed us exactly where we needed to be? Happy Birthday Kelsey, you bring joy to us each day and we love you so much!

Our Family

Have you wondered why I have not written any recent posts? Well, it has been a couple of weeks now that I have been holding in some news that has hindered my thought process. Along with extreme fatigue and bit of nausea I have tried to carry on with my regular schedule. But the time has come for me to just let it out. Yes, by now I'm sure you have guessed it. There will be yet another addition to the Shand family. I am realizing that God's plan for our family is bigger than what we had anticipated. John and I are trying to accept the idea at this point. I have struggled with feelings of depression this time around and the unknown element of what the future holds. I am not one of those women who particularly likes being pregnant. I struggle with first trimester sickness and the gain of much added weight. I'm trying to figure out if I will be able to continue to teach zumba through this pregnancy. All the particulars that stress me out and yet trying to sit back and accept this gift. I know that children are a gift from the Lord. We look at our other children each day and are in awe of them. The picture that is added to this post is our recent attempt to capture the girls for the yearly Christmas card photo. Now we are realizing there will be another little person in our photo for next year.

Anna and her dog

We are in Tennessee visiting family and friends for Thanksgiving this year. We took a trip out to dad's property to visit him and more importantly for Anna to see her dog. She had a great time running around with Jake and his dog friend Charity. The kids have a blast just getting dirty and playing in the woods.

The Pumpkin Patch

I do not usually like to veer from my schedule too much, especially when I have my lesson plans already written for the next several weeks. But this week, I felt the need to just do something out of the ordinary. Wednesday we splurged on a matinee to see High School Musical 3 at the movie theater. We went with some friends, the girls wore their HSM t-shirts, and we had a lot of fun. Today we went on another outing to Patterson's Farm. With the whole agrarian tour - barns, animals, wagon ride, pumpkin patch, playground, corn silo, hay bails - we did it all. Tomorrow being Friday, which is usually our "light" day for school work, we have yet again some fun things planned. I've made sure to incorporate a little school work into each day but realize that the teacher (being me) needs a break every now and then too. I am trying to convince myself that one math lessoned missed or a couple of chapters behind in their readers isn't going to hurt. So to all you other homeschool moms out there - take a break, do something fun, it's OK!

Carolina Balloon festival

Today we went to the Carolina Balloon Festival here in Statesville. It was a really fun time. My Dad is here visiting with us, so he got to enjoy it as well. We walked through a field where balloons were laid out all around us, going up in mass ascension. We had fun taking pictures, running around, watching the balloons wobble back and forth before getting off the ground, and of course ice cream and funnel cakes too.

Blessings in Disguise

Well, here it is, the pictures of John's truck. It has been totalled out by the insurance company. Of course, plenty of jokes have been made at his expense, especially related to why he couldn't see the boat in front of him. But we rejoice that he is fine and no one was hurt. We have decided to put the insurance check towards some debt and possibly a new washer and dryer. We have gotten the eagle talon back (which John was driving before the truck) from some dear friends. We were able to give them the car last year when they were in need of one and now they have returned the favor and given it back to us. Thank you so much, Ben and Erin!! I know John is going to miss his pickup truck, driving the back roads of NC with the windows rolled down, arm hanging out the window and the country music blaring but he is willing to sacrifice that for a while. For once, we are trying to play it smart and not jump into another car payment again.
All things work together for good to those who love him and are called according to his purposes. Romans 8:28

An Eventful Day!

Well, this morning I was planning on spending the last few hours with my mom. She had come to NC for her first visit with us. We had a good time showing her around the place, having her meet our friends and attending our church. The time went by way too fast - Especially today!
John called me a little after nine o'clock this morning and says, "Yeah, I need you to come and get me from Rowan (that is pronounced, row-Ann, with plenty of country twang) County off Hwy 152." My immediate reaction was, "Why, what happened?" John replies, "Well, I just rear-ended a boat and think I may have totalled the truck."
So I left the kids with my mom and off I went to retrieve him. It was about a 45minute drive from where we live and of course I got a little lost on the way because Hwy 152 takes several turns this way and that. I ended up in the middle of nowhere which is exactly where I was supposed to be, just a few miles in the wrong direction.
I finally made it to the site of the accident where the officer was still finishing his report. The little lady who lived on that road came out to offer everyone a cold mountain dew. She made a point to tell me that "we come into this world with nothing and will leave this world with nothing" and to be glad that my husband was alright. I was tickled by her attempt to share the gospel with me. A mechanic who just happened to be traveling to work at this time offered to tow John's truck to his shop which was literally two blocks away. He seems to be an honest guy and has offered to repair the truck at a fair price - of course this will all go through the insurance agency too.
So out of it all, we can see ways in which God has provided. It is very evident to me yet at the same time, I still wonder why. And it goes back to the verse that I was intrigued by on Sunday morning. 1 Peter 4:12-13 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
So I've come to the conclusion that: Yes, I live in a fallen and sinful world where I will experience yucky stuff yet, I am a child of God who will also experience His provision and joy, so that one day I can join Him in heaven and live forever and never again experience hardships.
This reminds me of that country song - "Lord I want to go to heaven, but I'm not ready just yet". I like this song, it has a catchy tune and I find myslef singing along when it comes on the radio. In fact I think I've lived most of my life feeling this way. I wanted to go to heaven but there were still things I wanted to do here on earth, like get married, have babies, see my kids grow up, travel the world, etc.. But now I'd like to change the lyrics to: "O Lord, I want to go to heaven, and I am ready right now!" Guess it probably doesn't rhyme as well but the older I get the more I see of my own sin and the sin around me and realize that this world doesn't have as much to offer as I thought. So Lord, I'm ready!

To BE (friends) or Not TO BE (friends)

Okay, so you know how you have those friends that may call you and say, "my child has been running a fever, not sure what's wrong, better not come over". And then you may have other friends that don't tell you until you get there. Well, I've never been really bothered by either one. I'm not overly cautious about germs, I figure my kids are going to get sick every now and then. But I do want to make sure that I respect other people's space.
Well, you may have friends that invite you over, but then break the plans (because a child may be sick)but then call you at eleven o'clock at night with other friends at their house, laughing, and asking when you are coming.... What do you do?
I mean, my children had been asking me all day, "has Mrs._______ called? Can we please go." What do I tell my children - "Well we weren't invited this time." I guess we know who are true friends are now.

For those of you reading, who think I have lost it, this is just a little joke on our good friends, at least I think we're still friends:-)

It's final ? !

Well, we are truly, no longer TN residents - Yesterday was the big closing on the sale of our house. It feels good for it to be done. Of course it couldn't have gone down without those last minute struggles. Let me just fill you in on the details...
We had traveled to Nashville a couple of days early to complete the last few repairs and move out the furniture items that had been left behind. It went rather smoothly. Saturday was the final walk through. We heard nothing so we assumed everything was still a "go". Sunday we spent hanging with friends. Mid-day John realized that we had forgotten to get receipts from our contractor. These were rather important for proof that the inspection report repairs were indeed completed. Monday morning we stopped by the house before closing to load the pickup truck. John also had to finish installing a garage door eye. We arrived to discover the electricity had already been turned off. John continued to work while every few minutes stopping to call the contractor. We continued to call the contractor every two to three minutes for the next hour and had been calling since the day before. We were both stressing! All we could think of, was this was going to be the detail that breaks the deal.
Five minutes before we arrived at the Title Office we finally heard from the contractor. He decided to drive to our location and deliver the receipts. Praise the Lord! We continued with the closing proceedings but not without realizing a mistake in the paperwork. We had to have it changed. After out part was over it still didn't feel done. We knew that the buyers were coming in for their part after us.
In the meantime, we had mentioned our loaded down truck to our realtor. "Know anybody who needs a couch?" my husband says. "Well, actually I do". replied our realtor. So on the spot we decide to deliver the couch in the back of our pickup truck to a needy family who had no furniture. On the drive there, I was quite emotional. I wanted to burst into tears, I think mostly from the stress of the day. I was really discouraged about the amount of money we were going to receive for the house. It was much lower than we thought it would be. So to make matters even worse, as we are sitting at a stoplight, a Metro cop pulls up behind us. Great! Our tags are expired and he pulls us over. Yes, he wrote us a ticket and then sent us on our merry way. What can you do but laugh.
We are still waiting for the actual deposit into our bank account. I've checked it a few times today already. Why do I still feel nervous? Because at this point I feel like anything is possible.
I apologize if this post is unorganized in thought - but today it is about getting it out, so I can release it. I'm wanting to let go, but am having a hard time.

Do you like it?

I've been playing around with my blog site. I finally (with a good friend's help) got a background added and then also got the playlist uploaded. What do you think? The first song you'll hear is one that I use in my zumba classes. Honestly, I have no idea what she is saying (so I hope it's "clean") but it energizes me, makes me want to get up and dance! And then the second song is one that I taught the kids at Covenant. I always have loved this verse and fell in love with this song the first time I heard it - Brings back great memories of "assembly time". The last song on the playlist is one that I chose for all my dear friends, new and old! Love you guys!!!

School Days

The girls have been working hard each day. We have recently been blessed with two new desks for them to work at. Kelsey uses one, where she thinks she is as much a part of the schooling as the others. She mostly colors and loves to cut with scissors! Emily uses the other desk and finally has a home for her own books and things. Anna sits at our table while we do work together in the dining/office/school room. She has her very own desk in her bedroom but prefers to be with everyone else. It is a small space but we all seem to manage. We are happy homeschooling!

Doesn't take much!

Well, it doesn't take much to turn a good mood around. Yesterday I discovered an electronic check written against our account for an amount that I did not have record of. After investigating it a little further we have come to the conclusion that it is a fraudulant check. Whoever it was, took John's nickname that he only goes by at work, used it as the name on the account, had our routing number, account number and old TN address and cashed a check for $400. Honestly, I'm glad it wasn't for a larger amount and I know I should be thankful but it still makes me mad!!
So yesterday we had to go down to the bank (with all three kids) close our current accounts and open new ones. Now I have to change all our direct deposit payrolls, contact all our automatic bill withdrawals, and write new checks to those that are still out. What a pain in the butt! And yet again my faith is tested, when I ask, "Why me, Lord?"

I'm energized!

Finally, it feels like I've been dragging along for a while now. I'm not sure what it is exactly, probably our schedule. I usually feel better when my days are planned out. I know, that's weird isn't it? I guess it is the feeling of accomplishment. When I know that I've accomplished what I set out to do and I can even check it off "the list".
Now that the girls are doing their studies and I have had to work on lesson plans, I feel compelled to "plan out" every other aspect of my life. I love calenders! I like to know what is ahead and mark every detail into each little box. I have also had time to work on my zumba choreography again! It has been a long time since I have had the energy or desire to put together another set. I guess this has been one source that has given me that extra bit of umph.
Anyhow, I'm ready to go! Today I feel like I could conquer the world but tomorrow may be another story.

Say what you mean, and mean what you say!

Today has been rough. We received an offer on our house late last night. You would think that this would send a rush of excitement through my soul but I think at this point I am pretty guarded with my emotions. The offer was quite low, in fact 14,000 dollars less than our asking price. We also put out a bounty to all the buying realtors, for a bonus of $2,500 when the house closes. We also recently spent another $2,100 on brand new carpet in the house. So all this to say that we are loosing money fast! After John and I talked it through, we realized we did not have much choice but to accept whatever we could. We tried counter offering but in the end, it seems that we ended up right were they had started.
SO,how do I feel about this? Well, I've hit about every possible emotion one could have over the situation. But mostly I've been angry. I just couldn't accept that this is the plan God has for us. Until the Holy Spirit began to work in my heart this morning.
It started with the girls' Bible lesson this morning. We were reading about the story of Noah and the rainbow. I was explaining to them that God gave us the rainbow as a covenant, a promise that he would never forsake us. Then we decided to sing some songs at the piano. We sang "O Be Careful Little Eyes" to teach it to Kelsey. Then we sang the verse, "O be careful little mind what you think...for the Father up above is looking down in love..." WOW! I couldn't have more convicted at that moment.
Later in the morning I was on a phone call with John, he was filling me in on the details of the upcoming contract. I was reminded (not by him, but by yet again the Holy Spirit's nudging) that I told him before we moved that I was willing to come, even if it meant starting over again. You've got to be kidding me. Did I really tell him that? Wasn't that just one of those things you say to a person you love, but not sure if you really mean it?
Well, I'm not sure if I really did mean it when I said it, but funny how it turns out, isn't it? It's kind of like that southern hospitality thing. Someone offers you a gesture of kindness and you at first turn it down, hoping they will ask you yet once more. All this to say, that I feel like the Lord is teaching me to say what I mean, and really mean it when I say it! I am sure there are many other things the Lord is teaching me right now as well, I just haven't fully realized them yet.

Friends

Leading up to our move, there were several references made to "the importance of friends". One was by our pastor, who preached a sermon and talked about the friendship between David and Jonathan and how valuable this friednship was. This was one of the last sermons I heard at our previous church and it really tore me up. I began to question our motives for moving. Maybe friends and family were enough. Maybe we shouldn't be moving away from such a wealth of people that we had around us. Also I considered my children and the friendships they have made. My six year old who really connected to two sweet girls in her kindergarten class begged us not to move away. This was one of those times when I didn't know if it was the devil trying to flood my mind with resistance or was it true knowledge that I should consider.
Now I can step away from those feelings. I really miss our friends in Tennessee. But I still long for the people that I would see on a weekly basis. I never realized how just seeing someone's face was a comfort. Some of this I have been able to cope with by keeping up with friends through facebook. Hearing about a person's day, or seeing a new picture they posted, doesn't make me feel so far away. They seem to be right around the corner or at least a click away on the mouse.
But through this all God has also provided for us. John and I aren't very outgoing, at least at meeting new people. (I know some of you question this, but it's true.) It took us many years to make friendships at Covenant (our previous church). Here in NC we have had two families that have already reached out to us and taken us in. The Hamelinks and the Larsons have been our lifeline. I praise God for providing just what we need. He knew that I wouldn't last long without Godly women to talk too. And not just anyone - the perfect match in character, interests, goals. I can also see how God is providing for my children, sweet friends who love the Lord and are obedient to their parents. And could Anna have asked for anything more? A friend who also shares the love of horses and animals!

God is good!

Okay just when you least expect it, that is when the blessings come in. I went to a training last night for a curriculum that I will be using this year to school my kids. I had tried to buy the kit online and the credit card was declined. I tried to buy the book used, at a local bookstore, and there was none. I was supposed to be doing some prereading in the text before showing up at this class. I emailed a friend to let her know that I was unable to get the book ahead of time and should I still plan on coming. She contacted the instructor and approved it with her and said she would have the core kit available for me to purchase when I got there. So I went. When I received my materials I grabbed my check book from my purse and walked up to the instructor to introduce myself. I told her I was new to the area and thank you for letting me come at the last minute. I asked her for the amount I needed to make the check for and she said, "oh no, that's okay". I repeated myself thinking she had misunderstood me. She said again, "no that is an extra one that is just lying around and no one is using. You can have it".
I almost started crying right then. I was so embarrassed and yet shocked at the same time. How did she know that I needed this so badly? I probably thanked her four or five times before I sat down. But I instantly knew that God was using her for my benefit.
My eyes are open. I can begin to see the littlest things that God does for me each day! For me, this was huge, but in perspective to this world and everyone else in it, it was little. I think it's God's way of telling me, don't worry - I've got everything under control.

Anxious

Today the day has started off badly. I wake up to Kelsey lying in the bed with me, which she has done for the past few nights. She has been running a fever for two days now and this morning has broken into an awful rash. She's burning up. I hate it when my kids are sick!
My next action was to walk into the kitchen. Before I'm fully awake yet, the phone rings loudly.I grab it quickly as to not wake up my still sleeping two year old. It was another creditor. Yes, we've started to received the dreaded calls. Of course they want you to commit to a payment over the phone. I almost want to laugh (maybe in replace of crying) because I honestly have no idea when I can pay them. They have no idea what we are going through, not that it is their fault, they're just doing their job.
This makes me remember back to when John and I first moved into our house. We had our first child and I was going to quit working, but then everything seemed to come crashing down on us. We had overextended ourselves financially. I had to jump back into a teaching position two days before school started. There were other hardships along the way and it took a few years but we made it out of that slump.
I guess what I had taken for granted recently is that we were in good place, financially speaking. I used to think that we had nothing and all our friends could afford so much more. But guess what, we could at least make ends meet at the end of a month and there was something left over. We could eat out, or go to a movie, get a haircut, or simply stop for at Target. I'm realizing that I was never thankful for this. How could I have not known that I was blessed!
I guess my point is that you really don't know what nothing is until you've had nothing. My fear in saying this is that it could get worse. But I honestly feel like I'm already there. I'm calling out to God, "please rescue me! I'm sorry for being so ungrateful for the little things in life. Thank you for my health and my family and all the blessings you give me without my even knowing." Does He hear me?

Trip Taken

We went to Tennesse to visit friends and family this past week. One last trip before the rush of our school year begins. While we were there, the kids got to spend lots of time with their favorite friends. I got to spend some time with my mom and also dinners and lunch dates with friends as well. We had a wonderful time. It almost didn't feel like we had even gone yet. It was too soon to feel the move had happened.
I thought this trip was going to really give me the spiritual boost I was looking for. But the longer I was there, the more I realized, only God can give me the happiness and contentment that I desire. It will not be provided to me by my friends or family members. This made the departure easier. I was finally ready to go home (back to NC) and get on with my life. No more waiting or wishing that summer would last forever. It is time to move forward.
So today is a new day. I am making plans for our school year. Trying to get the apartment in order and things ready to roll is my goal for this week.

The Beach, just what the doctor ordered!

Our new dear friends invited us to the beach. We were a little leary at first because after all, when someone invites you on vacation with them that's a big step in a relationship. Well, we decided that what the heck, we would go for the weekend.
The family that invited us had access to a beautiful house in Pawleys Island. Along with us, they also had another family coming. There were three families in all - 6 adults and 12 children. It was great!
I was having so much fun that they convinced me to stay for the week. John went back to work until Wednesday and then met me again for the later part of the week. We played on the beach, at the pool, at the local community lake where we went fishing, and of course plenty of trips to enjoy ice cream. The funnest part was that they rented two golf carts for getting around the private community. This was the kids and the adults favorite part. All the children got along well with each other and the adults would stay up late each night playing games and laughing.
I cannot express to you how huge of a blessing this was for our family. We were able to laugh and play and really bond with new friends. We felt like we've known these families now our whole lives and it's only been a couple of months.

Good news / Bad news

Well, It has been a while since I've had the desire to blog. I think it has mostly been because I wasn't sure how to express in words what I was feeling. So here it is.
The evening before my trip to the health department I decided to take another pregnacy test at home. It was very slow to turn positive and not nearly as bold of a line as my previous tests had been. This confirmed my inclination that I had probably miscarried the baby. I figured that it was just taking a while to work the hormones out of my body. I decided to go along with my appointment to the health department anyhow.
That was an experience all in itself. When you sign in they give you a number. As I sat in the waiting area along with teens and other ethnic diversities I read the walls full of educational posters - like how to protect yourself from STDs and family planning and birth control. When my number was called (in order to protect my privacy) I went back to talk with a nurse. I gave her all the dates and details of everything that had happened and even asked her if it was possible to have had a miscarriage but still show positive in a pregnacy test. No answers were given - just a cup to pee in. So to make a long story shorter, I left the health department with a document that showed I was still pregnant. I was instructed to take it to social services to apply for pregancy medicaide.
The next day I went to social services. Let me just say, people who are on governmental financial assistance have to do a LOT of paperwork. Not sure what that says about our society exactly. I am still in the process of collecting birth certificates and multiple documentation that shows we are indeed NC residents. When the paperwork does get processed, it will still take 4-6 weeks to get the temporary insurance. So again I was at a waiting point.
In my mind I had dismissed the pregnacy. I think there were so many other distractions that I was unable to attach myself to the idea. So Let me fast forward a few days - some new friends here in NC took me to the store and had me buy another pregnacy test. We were all giddy and having a good time laughing about different things. I took the test and it was negative. Yes, it was negative. I was relieved. I think it finally took the pressure off. I was able to go on.
It was good news and bads news all in one. I'm not sure why it all turned out this way or why had I had to go through so many different steps to get here but I do know that God is in control of the situation. So my only choice is to know that God has provided for me throughout it all. I may still be able to put the kids on medicaide until John's insurance kicks in next year. It definately made me not think even once, about our house that is still on the market.
I hope this post does not sound insensitive to you. Believe me I've cried plenty over our loss. But I have also rejoiced. And I guess that's the point in suffering.

A Rollercoaster of Emotions

As if the last few months have not had as many ups and downs as I could handle, this past week has been an emotional roller coaster. With our recent news of finding out I was pregnant we were actually innocently happy. All things seemed to be going our way. We found out that we had a possible "contract in the making" on our house and things were good.
Until Monday.
I began spotting that morning. The realty company called to notify me of another showing. I was confused. I thought we were under contract. All in one day I was hit with possibly losing the baby and losing the contract on the house.
Well, the contract on the house did fall through.
I started having cramps and a period. Didn't know what was going on.
Each day was getting worse. In my mind I resolved that I was having a miscarriage.
John and I decided it was for the best. He had also found out (on Monday) that the full health care coverage was not going to kick in, in October (the six month wait) like we had originally thought, but that they wouldn't make any changes to our plan until the new fiscal year. So the bad news seemed better when I decided I wasn't pregnant.
BUT, the next day I took another pregnacy test just to be sure. IT's still Positive!
What the heck. This is my fourth pregnacy. This has never happened to me before! What in the world is going on with my body?
Today I decided that I would see an OB/GYN. Well, you can't get an appointment with any new physicians around here plus with our current insurance situation it was only going to be around $400.
So I have swallowed my pride. I looked up the local health department on the internet. I will be going to the Iredell county health dept on Wednesday morning to take yet another pregnacy test so that they can tell me I'm pregnant. Hopefully, this will lead to a referal to the prenatal clinic.I realize that I'm selfishly glad that no one here knows me. That way I won't be embarassed to run into anybody that I may know. I guess I haven't lost my pride after all.
Yes, my life is an emotional rollercoaster of highs and lows right now. Why am I on this ride? I guess it's to make me realize that the only one in life I can truely trust in right now is my Lord and Savior.

Suprise!

Now that we've told the children, I feel at ease to let in the rest of the world. On our wonderful Minneapolis get-a-way, I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of "that-time-of-the-month". Well, after a couple of weeks of wondering, or rather making excuses, like ... I was late last month, I've been under a lot of stress, it'll come the one week I'm on vacation... You know the ones I'm talking about, right? I finally couldn't stand the curiousity any longer so I walked into a Walgreens, right there in downtown Minneapolis and bought a pregnancy test. I proceeded to go back to the hotel room, went straight to the bathroom and peed on the stick. Before I could set the thing down on the counter beside me there was already a vividly blue plus sign in one box. My heart lept, I grabbed the box out of the trash can to reread the instructions because after all, I had bought the Walgreens brand and this one must be different.
Who can describe the feeling of finding out you're pregnant? Everything inside you has feeling. They just happen to be really all over the map. Joy, worry, happiness, anxiety, pride, inhibition. My next concern was how I was going to break the news to John.
I was already scheduled to meet him for lunch over at the convention center. So I met him there, of course with hundreds of others. We ate lunch without much discussion. I asked if he'd like to go back to the room for a few minutes before his next session began. MEN, what can I say. I think John thought I was offering a "quicky" over lunch break. When we got to the room and I showed him the very positive, pregnancy stick, I think his first reaction was something like, "oh great".
Now, why do we women get upset when men generally have the same reactions we do? Maybe because they actually say them out loud. But for whatever reason we start asking stupid questions like, "Aren't you excited?" I shouldn't even set myself up for ones like that.
Well, a few days have passed and we have generally gotten over the shock. No we were not expecting four children but now it seems like this is the perfect piece to complete our family. We know that children are a blessing and that most importantly God has a plan for our lives.
So now we will make preparations.

Time with my husband

John and I took a trip to Minneapolis. He is here for a business conference but we also get time to do fun things together as well. It is always such a wonderful time to reconnect with my spouse with no kid interruptions. After a very busy spring and a stressful move this is just what the doctor ordered. I feel very blessed to have a husband who likes having me around. Most of the other employees do not usually bring their spouses and I was realizing that John has always wanted me to come with him. We are truely best friends and love to share our experiences with each other no matter how great or small.

Just a Normal Day in the life of a mother

This week has been more normal or maybe average is a better word. I've decided that it is time to potty train my two and a half year old daughter, Kelsey. She has definately shown interest but yesterday was not her day! We went through five pairs of panties by early afternoon. Not once did she make it to the potty. Today has been better or we at least got to the toilet twice for success. We are rewarding her with m&ms when she produces something in the potty chair.
The other bit of excitement in our life has been Emily's wiggly teeth. Her two front bottom teeth have been primed and are ready to come out. She let her daddy tug on one of them which popped right out. The second tooth she has been more reluctant to let us touch. (The tooth fairy came to reward her with five dollars, because that was the only piece of cash available.) She may be disappointed when the second tooth comes out and deflation hits.
Otherwise trips to the grocery store, the post office, and everyone for a hair cut at the local walk-in hair salon has filled our day.

Camping at Falls Lake, July 4th, 2008

We decided to take advantage of the holiday weekend and went camping. We chose a state park which was about two hours away, just north of Raleigh called Holly Point at Falls Lake. We arrived Wednesday evening just in time to set up camp and fix dinner over the grill. All was well with the world. I always seem to forget that the first night of camping is pretty restless. Kids can't go to sleep, someone always wakes in the middle of the night because they have to go potty (including me), lots of strange outdoor noises and so forth. The second night is always better, everybody is exhausted and sleeps great!
The activities while we were there included fishing, swimming, hiking, cooking over the fire and just hanging out around camp. We were all having a good time. To celebrate the 4th we decided to take a trip into the city to see the display of fireworks. We knew that if we left the park the gate would close at 9 p.m. and we would therefore not make it back in time to drive in. But the front gate attendant told us that we could park in the front parking lot and walk in after hours. So we decided we were up for the adventure.
What we did not know was that there was a thunderstorm in our future. We got to the fairgrounds with a stop for icecream. We were all sitting in the back of the pickup truck awaiting the fireworks show when the family beside us said, "hope it starts before that storm gets here". We were like, "what storm?" As the lightening began to strike, cars started heading out. John and I looked at each other. There was only twenty minutes until the gate closed at the park. There was no way we were going to make it back in time.
The rain began, the show was now canceled, so we decided to try and get out of there. It took us an hour to get to the street, raining pretty heavy by now. We were just praying that, just maybe, it hadn't started raining at the campground because the tent windows were open.
When we finally arrived at the campground around 10:30 p.m. several cars were wanting to get out of the park and several cars were wanting to get into the park. This was fortunate for us since all three children had fallen asleep and it was still raining. After calling the emergency number, a park ranger finally decided to unlock the gate and let us into the park.
When we pulled up to our campsite John hopped out to check out the damage. There were puddles in all three sections of the sleeping tent. The sleeping bags, sheets and a few pillows were soaked. John and I pulled out a few dry things that we could find and put them into the "dresssing" tent which was dry. we only had enough dry things for two people to sleep in the tent so John and Anna slept in the tent while Kelsey, Emily and I slept in the cab of the pickup truck.
This was probably the worst night of sleep I think that I have ever had!!! I woke up every few minutes but finally got up at about 6a.m. I was sore from sleeping curled up in the passengers side of the front seat but didn't really understand how soar until I stood up outside of the truck.
I could barely stand, let alone take any steps. My back was screaming in pain!
John had to pack most of everything up himself. Emily kept asking, "why can't we stay longer?" Anyhow, we are now home again. Yes, I said "home". the apartment was a welcomed site. Even Kelsey said she was ready to go to the apartment. (It sounds really cute in her two-year old voice.)
I am recooperating with some Doan's back pills. We will probably still be doing the laundry into next week but that's okay. John has been super helpful today! He has been running the wash and folding clothes and let me lay down to take a nap.
I am going to post some picture of the highlights of the camping trip. The first part really was a good time. The rain would have even been managable if we had only know it was coming and had zipped up the tents. Oh well, lessoned learned!

Apartment life, too old for this!

Okay so from about 2 to 5 a.m. this morning or what I would consider the middle of the night, the people above us were playing their music SO LOUD! Worse than that it was some kind of jazz/ rock type sound and then you would here someone practicing over and over again what I assume was a keyboard. Now I grew up with a mother as a piano teacher, so I'm familiar with the wrong note, starting again, kind of background noise but this was so bad. I couldn't believe it kept going on and on. John finally got up and banged on the ceiling with his shoe. After enough "popcorn" had fallen off of the ceiling he decided they probably couldn't hear him above all the music. What a night!
This of course topped off the day before. I had taken the girls to the pool. This was our first trip to the apartment community's pool. As we approached I thought, 'oh, this will be nice, we'll be the only ones here". But oh no, there were two other children and their teenage babysitter. A boy about twelve and his younger sister probably around six years old. He would antagonize his sister with which she would reply in ear curdling screams. The only two sounds that came from her mouth were whining or screaming. What a pleasant, relaxing day at the pool. The apartment maintenance man came by to clean the pool and asked us to step out of the pool for about fifteen minutes. We got out and sat on the lawn chairs but the other children continued to splash around and made disrespectful comments to him. I was horrified. I looked at Anna and told her that if I ever caught one of my children talking to any adult (no matter who they were) like that, they wouldn't be able to sit down for a week! She understood and was rather suprised by their behavior as well.
So this has been our two unpleasant experiences. They both just happened to be on the same day.

First Entry

Okay, We have lived in Statesville, NC now for a week. It hasn't been that bad so far. Really it has been like unpacking in a condo unit for a short term vacation. Seeing my furniture in a three bedroom apartment takes me back to the days when John and I first married. The weirdest part is going to and from the car and getting really irritated when I can't get a parking spot near my unit. I think things will begin to settle in this next week. The inlaws have left and we now have our family unit together for the first time in a while.
We went to church this morning. The people are very nice and it seems that most want to reach out to us and "become friends" or least make us feel welcome. It is a nice feeling but I think that we are all a little guarded yet. It's almost like we want to say to them, "we have friends" but then you remember that they are all 400 miles away. Okay so then you wonder, which of these people will we really become close too. None of them seem "like us". Am I that picky?
Two new pieces of furniture that I have gotten to purchase for the apartment have made me very happy. I'm not sure what that says about me but I have taken pleasure in picking them out. I got two fancy barstools that are very high with swivel seats (in order for the girls to eat at the bar that overlooks the kitchen counter) and then a dining set that has a pub height table with two tall chairs. This will be our new dinner table and I can pull the barstools over for the girls and of course, leaving Kelsey in the high chair for now.