Good news / Bad news

Well, It has been a while since I've had the desire to blog. I think it has mostly been because I wasn't sure how to express in words what I was feeling. So here it is.
The evening before my trip to the health department I decided to take another pregnacy test at home. It was very slow to turn positive and not nearly as bold of a line as my previous tests had been. This confirmed my inclination that I had probably miscarried the baby. I figured that it was just taking a while to work the hormones out of my body. I decided to go along with my appointment to the health department anyhow.
That was an experience all in itself. When you sign in they give you a number. As I sat in the waiting area along with teens and other ethnic diversities I read the walls full of educational posters - like how to protect yourself from STDs and family planning and birth control. When my number was called (in order to protect my privacy) I went back to talk with a nurse. I gave her all the dates and details of everything that had happened and even asked her if it was possible to have had a miscarriage but still show positive in a pregnacy test. No answers were given - just a cup to pee in. So to make a long story shorter, I left the health department with a document that showed I was still pregnant. I was instructed to take it to social services to apply for pregancy medicaide.
The next day I went to social services. Let me just say, people who are on governmental financial assistance have to do a LOT of paperwork. Not sure what that says about our society exactly. I am still in the process of collecting birth certificates and multiple documentation that shows we are indeed NC residents. When the paperwork does get processed, it will still take 4-6 weeks to get the temporary insurance. So again I was at a waiting point.
In my mind I had dismissed the pregnacy. I think there were so many other distractions that I was unable to attach myself to the idea. So Let me fast forward a few days - some new friends here in NC took me to the store and had me buy another pregnacy test. We were all giddy and having a good time laughing about different things. I took the test and it was negative. Yes, it was negative. I was relieved. I think it finally took the pressure off. I was able to go on.
It was good news and bads news all in one. I'm not sure why it all turned out this way or why had I had to go through so many different steps to get here but I do know that God is in control of the situation. So my only choice is to know that God has provided for me throughout it all. I may still be able to put the kids on medicaide until John's insurance kicks in next year. It definately made me not think even once, about our house that is still on the market.
I hope this post does not sound insensitive to you. Believe me I've cried plenty over our loss. But I have also rejoiced. And I guess that's the point in suffering.