Friends

Leading up to our move, there were several references made to "the importance of friends". One was by our pastor, who preached a sermon and talked about the friendship between David and Jonathan and how valuable this friednship was. This was one of the last sermons I heard at our previous church and it really tore me up. I began to question our motives for moving. Maybe friends and family were enough. Maybe we shouldn't be moving away from such a wealth of people that we had around us. Also I considered my children and the friendships they have made. My six year old who really connected to two sweet girls in her kindergarten class begged us not to move away. This was one of those times when I didn't know if it was the devil trying to flood my mind with resistance or was it true knowledge that I should consider.
Now I can step away from those feelings. I really miss our friends in Tennessee. But I still long for the people that I would see on a weekly basis. I never realized how just seeing someone's face was a comfort. Some of this I have been able to cope with by keeping up with friends through facebook. Hearing about a person's day, or seeing a new picture they posted, doesn't make me feel so far away. They seem to be right around the corner or at least a click away on the mouse.
But through this all God has also provided for us. John and I aren't very outgoing, at least at meeting new people. (I know some of you question this, but it's true.) It took us many years to make friendships at Covenant (our previous church). Here in NC we have had two families that have already reached out to us and taken us in. The Hamelinks and the Larsons have been our lifeline. I praise God for providing just what we need. He knew that I wouldn't last long without Godly women to talk too. And not just anyone - the perfect match in character, interests, goals. I can also see how God is providing for my children, sweet friends who love the Lord and are obedient to their parents. And could Anna have asked for anything more? A friend who also shares the love of horses and animals!

God is good!

Okay just when you least expect it, that is when the blessings come in. I went to a training last night for a curriculum that I will be using this year to school my kids. I had tried to buy the kit online and the credit card was declined. I tried to buy the book used, at a local bookstore, and there was none. I was supposed to be doing some prereading in the text before showing up at this class. I emailed a friend to let her know that I was unable to get the book ahead of time and should I still plan on coming. She contacted the instructor and approved it with her and said she would have the core kit available for me to purchase when I got there. So I went. When I received my materials I grabbed my check book from my purse and walked up to the instructor to introduce myself. I told her I was new to the area and thank you for letting me come at the last minute. I asked her for the amount I needed to make the check for and she said, "oh no, that's okay". I repeated myself thinking she had misunderstood me. She said again, "no that is an extra one that is just lying around and no one is using. You can have it".
I almost started crying right then. I was so embarrassed and yet shocked at the same time. How did she know that I needed this so badly? I probably thanked her four or five times before I sat down. But I instantly knew that God was using her for my benefit.
My eyes are open. I can begin to see the littlest things that God does for me each day! For me, this was huge, but in perspective to this world and everyone else in it, it was little. I think it's God's way of telling me, don't worry - I've got everything under control.

Anxious

Today the day has started off badly. I wake up to Kelsey lying in the bed with me, which she has done for the past few nights. She has been running a fever for two days now and this morning has broken into an awful rash. She's burning up. I hate it when my kids are sick!
My next action was to walk into the kitchen. Before I'm fully awake yet, the phone rings loudly.I grab it quickly as to not wake up my still sleeping two year old. It was another creditor. Yes, we've started to received the dreaded calls. Of course they want you to commit to a payment over the phone. I almost want to laugh (maybe in replace of crying) because I honestly have no idea when I can pay them. They have no idea what we are going through, not that it is their fault, they're just doing their job.
This makes me remember back to when John and I first moved into our house. We had our first child and I was going to quit working, but then everything seemed to come crashing down on us. We had overextended ourselves financially. I had to jump back into a teaching position two days before school started. There were other hardships along the way and it took a few years but we made it out of that slump.
I guess what I had taken for granted recently is that we were in good place, financially speaking. I used to think that we had nothing and all our friends could afford so much more. But guess what, we could at least make ends meet at the end of a month and there was something left over. We could eat out, or go to a movie, get a haircut, or simply stop for at Target. I'm realizing that I was never thankful for this. How could I have not known that I was blessed!
I guess my point is that you really don't know what nothing is until you've had nothing. My fear in saying this is that it could get worse. But I honestly feel like I'm already there. I'm calling out to God, "please rescue me! I'm sorry for being so ungrateful for the little things in life. Thank you for my health and my family and all the blessings you give me without my even knowing." Does He hear me?

Trip Taken

We went to Tennesse to visit friends and family this past week. One last trip before the rush of our school year begins. While we were there, the kids got to spend lots of time with their favorite friends. I got to spend some time with my mom and also dinners and lunch dates with friends as well. We had a wonderful time. It almost didn't feel like we had even gone yet. It was too soon to feel the move had happened.
I thought this trip was going to really give me the spiritual boost I was looking for. But the longer I was there, the more I realized, only God can give me the happiness and contentment that I desire. It will not be provided to me by my friends or family members. This made the departure easier. I was finally ready to go home (back to NC) and get on with my life. No more waiting or wishing that summer would last forever. It is time to move forward.
So today is a new day. I am making plans for our school year. Trying to get the apartment in order and things ready to roll is my goal for this week.

The Beach, just what the doctor ordered!

Our new dear friends invited us to the beach. We were a little leary at first because after all, when someone invites you on vacation with them that's a big step in a relationship. Well, we decided that what the heck, we would go for the weekend.
The family that invited us had access to a beautiful house in Pawleys Island. Along with us, they also had another family coming. There were three families in all - 6 adults and 12 children. It was great!
I was having so much fun that they convinced me to stay for the week. John went back to work until Wednesday and then met me again for the later part of the week. We played on the beach, at the pool, at the local community lake where we went fishing, and of course plenty of trips to enjoy ice cream. The funnest part was that they rented two golf carts for getting around the private community. This was the kids and the adults favorite part. All the children got along well with each other and the adults would stay up late each night playing games and laughing.
I cannot express to you how huge of a blessing this was for our family. We were able to laugh and play and really bond with new friends. We felt like we've known these families now our whole lives and it's only been a couple of months.

Good news / Bad news

Well, It has been a while since I've had the desire to blog. I think it has mostly been because I wasn't sure how to express in words what I was feeling. So here it is.
The evening before my trip to the health department I decided to take another pregnacy test at home. It was very slow to turn positive and not nearly as bold of a line as my previous tests had been. This confirmed my inclination that I had probably miscarried the baby. I figured that it was just taking a while to work the hormones out of my body. I decided to go along with my appointment to the health department anyhow.
That was an experience all in itself. When you sign in they give you a number. As I sat in the waiting area along with teens and other ethnic diversities I read the walls full of educational posters - like how to protect yourself from STDs and family planning and birth control. When my number was called (in order to protect my privacy) I went back to talk with a nurse. I gave her all the dates and details of everything that had happened and even asked her if it was possible to have had a miscarriage but still show positive in a pregnacy test. No answers were given - just a cup to pee in. So to make a long story shorter, I left the health department with a document that showed I was still pregnant. I was instructed to take it to social services to apply for pregancy medicaide.
The next day I went to social services. Let me just say, people who are on governmental financial assistance have to do a LOT of paperwork. Not sure what that says about our society exactly. I am still in the process of collecting birth certificates and multiple documentation that shows we are indeed NC residents. When the paperwork does get processed, it will still take 4-6 weeks to get the temporary insurance. So again I was at a waiting point.
In my mind I had dismissed the pregnacy. I think there were so many other distractions that I was unable to attach myself to the idea. So Let me fast forward a few days - some new friends here in NC took me to the store and had me buy another pregnacy test. We were all giddy and having a good time laughing about different things. I took the test and it was negative. Yes, it was negative. I was relieved. I think it finally took the pressure off. I was able to go on.
It was good news and bads news all in one. I'm not sure why it all turned out this way or why had I had to go through so many different steps to get here but I do know that God is in control of the situation. So my only choice is to know that God has provided for me throughout it all. I may still be able to put the kids on medicaide until John's insurance kicks in next year. It definately made me not think even once, about our house that is still on the market.
I hope this post does not sound insensitive to you. Believe me I've cried plenty over our loss. But I have also rejoiced. And I guess that's the point in suffering.