Patience

Patience is not my specialty! Over the past week we have been scoping out the possiblities of rental homes in the area. Not sure what spurred on this idea exactly, especially so early in the spring. Spring fever - I guess, and it seems that the apartment walls are beginning to close in on us. Ten months in the apartment has gone by fast but is getting old quickly.
So we did the "drive by" over the weekend. Several homes we were able to eliminate with looks from the outside or by the inconvenience of their location. But one stood out in particular. So we called and met a realtor at the house yesterday evening. It was close to perfect. I got really excited about it. It was very spacious with a full basement and many things that suited our family well.
Today John went to the apartment complex office to see what the possibilties of breaking our lease early would be. Well, it was not good news. Bascially we would have to continue to pay the rent here until the end of July. This is really not a doable situation for us.
So now I mourn. I had already not slept well last night - thinking of all the possibilities for this house. I am having a hard time letting it go. I am realizing that I need patience! I could go on and on as to why this house was perfect for us but it doesn't really matter, does it?
I had already told myself that it would happen according to God's will. And that if things didn't fall into place as they would need to, then it wasn't meant to be. But now, why do I find myself wanting to "do what I want to anyways". God doesn't really know what is best for me. Ha, Ha - I sure do have a lot of learning yet to do. I continue to write these posts from time to time and yet I still struggle with the same issues. Lord, please be patient with me as I learn patience!

God is Good!

Today we went as a family to the ultra sound clinic. We had only told the girls that they would get to see pictures of the baby in Mommy's tummy.
We began the visit with a meeting with a genetic counselor. She went into detail about my test results from the AFP screening. The raise for concern came from my protein levels being too high, almost twice the normal level. This meant they were looking for neurological tube disorders, meaning spina bifida. Down syndrome was not of concern.
She explained evertyhing in great detail and I felt very educated. It was nice to understand what was going on or at least understand what they were looking for. She went through the areas they would look for in the ultra sound, which included any leak in the spinal cord, kidneys, baby's urine discretion, and markers such as a "lemon- shaped" head or a "bannana-shaped" brain. Also sometimes club feet are associated with spina bifida. The percentage rate for finding evidence of these things through the ultra sound was very high and that was encouraging.
The ultra sound went well. The baby cooperated with little movement so they were able to look for all the things intended. The doctor came back with positive feedback and said the ultra sound looked good.
I will continue to have to have the baby's growth monitored closely because of the elevated level of proteins, which means more ultra sounds to come. One possible reason for the high levels could be a thin placenta. This would be important to know at a later stage in the pregnancy to make sure the baby is growing and gaining weight. Right now she is estamated to be 14 ounces. Or it could just be the way that my body makes babies - who knows.
Many sighs of relief were let out today. I am so thankful for God's provision for our family. He had certainly given me peace for the situation and I was able to go today with confidence that everything was going to be okay.
I am humbled. I wonder if this is God's way of making me become more intimately connected with this baby inside. I have been more distant this time around. With the recent prayers and concerns for a healthy baby being more important to me as of late it has forced me to think of this child more carefully. I am finally able to accept the addition to the family and value God's gift.
To everyone - thank you for your prayers! Look at the beautiful picture we got today of this little one. Her knees are almost tucked up under her chin. To God be the glory, great things He has done!

Enjoying the springtime weather

This weekend we had great weather, sunny and in the 70s. So we took advantage of getting outside and enjoying it while it lasted. Saturday we went to the local state park and took a hike. When we started out we did not plan on how far we would walk figuring that we would turn around when we wanted too. But mid way we decided to finish the loop which ended up being a good three mile hike. The girls did great and only complained through the last half mile or so. I also packed a cooler with hot dogs and hamburgers to grill. We found a picnic area and ate outside. The girls had brought their scooters and tricycle to ride while dinner was cooking. John and I played a couple hand of cards and had a great time.
Sunday, after church, we bought some cheap kites and took them to the boat launch. We figured the wind would be a little stronger near the lake. And it was. It nearly ripped most of the kites in two - of course, we had bought plastic kites. Our friends who lived nearby, ran back to the house for scotch tape. We repaired ones that had crashed into the concrete and kept them flying for quite a while. Everyone took a turn.
It was a great time to get out and enjoy God's creation and of course take my mind off of other things.

Bad news

Yesterday the new doc called my home. I was suprised by the phone call so in all the info that he gave me, I apologize but I'm a little fuzzy on the details. He began saying that they had gotten my records that had been transferred over from the health dept. Then he went on to tell me that there was some concern over the results of the AFB test that they had given me. Remember the one I was disgruntled over them drawing my blood for? Well something about the neurological something was elavated and they want to send me to a specialist ultra sound techinician - one who is more knowledgable on reading or finding the information they will be looking for in the test. Of course, he finishes with a "don't be too alarmed, yet" statement and that the ultra sound would be very important in finding out more information. We also said mentioned having to come into the office more often to monitor the baby's heart rate especially towards the end of the pregnancy.
Well, what is a mother to do, but worry. I didn't handle the news well at all yesterday. I cried on and off most of the afternoon. In my mind I kept going back to the statement I had given my husband over why I didn't want this test run in the first place which was that it gives too many false positives. But fear and doubt had already set in and I couldn't seem to fight against it. I emailed some close friends and told them to pray, mostly for me, because I was losing it. I know that God has this under control. I don't expect to change the outcome. Yet I have this whole time questioned Him. I really don't think He does know what I can handle - because this is not it!!
This morning I am better. I knew it would take some time to just settle. And yet I have a lump in my throat and swallow back the tears to write this. I guess my biggest struggle is the "why me, Lord, haven't you tested my faith enough this year?" I guess His answer must be, "No I'm still drawing you closer to Me."

Another girl

Today I went to a new doctor. It was a great visit. The office staff was kind, the nurse and doctor were very nice and I got to have a small ultrasound. Ahh, the pleasures of private practice doctors.
For now we will assume that it is indeed another girl. There is no other evidence that offers any other possiblity. I am scheduled to have the real, full-blown, mack-daddy sonogram on March 17th. We will get lots of pictures then and can take the kids to see it and so forth.
I left the doctor's visit a bit dissappointed. In my mind I knew it would be another girl all along, but with the way our life has constantly changed over this past year, there was part of me that thought, just maybe it was going to be a boy this time. I am sad for my husband yet glad that I'm not the wife of a king - you know the books and the movies - the ones that could not conceive a son and then were dismissed. Don't misunderstand me, my husband is a wonderful man and he loves me and our girls dearly. He couldn't be a better father to them. It was just a bunch of emotions running through me all at once.
And then I sat down to write this posting... Do you hear the song playing? For some reason I had trouble getting it to work for my last post about Emily's birthday party. But when I opened the blog today and I heard this song, I realized God had intended it for someone else, or maybe just for me to hear today.
I know that you are God's creation inside me and that He made you exactly who He wanted you to be!

Emily's 7th Birthday

We had a fun time celebrating Emily's birthday this year. It is hard to believe that she is already seven. On Wednesday, her actual birthday, we went to dinner at a local restaurant with a family of friends and Grammy, who was in town visiting for the week. It was a fun time. Then on Saturday we celebrated with some of her friends at the dance studio where she is currently taking lessons. The birthday hostess taught the girls a "birthday dance" and she was wonderful. The kids had a great time dancing, playing games, and of course enjoying cake and ice cream. The slideshow highlights some of the fun that we had.

Sometimes you just need a break

This week I have been in TN visiting family and friends. It has been a renewal that my spirit needed. I was struggling with the winter blahs and burn out on homeschooling. I needed a change of scenery!
The kids have gotten to see many friends and have overnight sleepovers. (We will catch up on rest when we get back home.) They've also been able to spend a lot of time with my mom. I got to have a girls day out with friends to lunch, pedicure and a movie. Something I haven't afforded to pleasure myself with for a long time. We also enjoyed time at our old church on Sunday, Tuesday morning and Wednesday evening. A taste of the old schedule which I have gladly given up. We got to see the organ pieces being carried into the new sanctuary for the extraordinary organ that will soon be assembled at Covenant Presbyterian Church. It was an exciting event and the girls are excited about seeing it completed the next time we visit.
Thank you to my friends who have cared for my children while spending time at their houses! Thank you also to those special friends who have opened their homes to me and provided places for us to sleep! We have had such a great time.
Tomorrow morning we head back home to NC. We will be sad the vacation is over but also excited to see John again, who we have missed on this trip. If ever you need to just get away I highly recommend it. Take a trip to the place you love and see that someone who makes you smile. It will brighten your outlook on life.