Just when I was thinking that I might retire this blog for a while, God brings a new trial into my life.
See we were cruising along just fine. Finally we have begun to call Statesville, NC home. We have made wonderful friends here, finally gotten connected with people within the community, I've made progress with my class numbers at the Y, and on and on I could go. I was actually feeling a bit nervous about this just the other day. Thinking to myself that I had become comfortable again, thanking the Lord for his provisions, and hoping that this did not mean I needed another "lesson in life". I felt that I did not use this blog as often anymore to journal our life's progress - that I either needed to rename it or just give it a rest for a while.
Until this morning - my husband came walking back in the house at 8:30 a.m. when I knew he was supposed to be in Charlotte for an all day meeting. My first thought was that the car had broken down and he needed to use the van but when I saw his face I then realized it was something bigger.
He proceeded to tell me that he had been "let go". What!? was my reaction. He gave me the speech that I could tell was being regurgitated from an earlier conversation, "the company is feeling the impact of the economic crisis and is having to make cut-backs all over the country today and my position has been eliminated". His company cell phone, laptop, and contracts which he had brought to "the meeting" had to be turned over to them immediately.
I've only seen my husband cry once in the fourteen years we've been together. This morning I could feel his heavy heart from across the room and look at his face and see that he was at low of all lows, holding back the tears. All I could say is "I love you, and I'm so sorry".
So throughout my day I've been able to process some of the emotions that are running through me. First it was panic, then anger, now I've moved on to the wonder, the who knows what is going to happen. I feel nauseated at the idea of packing again to move to a new place. I wonder why God brought us here. Have we impacted anybody here? Was it all for nothing? Are we supposed to stay? What does life have in store for us now?
All my questions remain unanswered but they continue to swirl around in my head.
I'm not sure why it feels better to write this out, but it does. I'm not sure that anyone wants to read it, but if you have, thank you and please know that we covet your prayers. Let us see clearly the path which the Lord will direct us in and not choose according to our own ideas or selfish desires.
4 comments:
Thank you for sharing those thoughts with us. Well stated...and I wish I could fix it all. Only God can and He WILL!
Please don't stop writing your blogs because they are very good.
You have a special family and purposes that God is using and I pray He will give you comfort and provisions during these days ahead.
I love you, Mom
I'm so so sorry to hear this. I'm glad blogging about it vented some of your feelings. I'm with your mom - don't stop blogging. I read it. ;)
Glad to know you are leaning on the Lord. When we moved to Atlanta, we prayed, "Lord if your Presence does not go with us, do not lead us up from this place." His presence has never left you, and never will. He will lead you exactly where He wants you to be.
I know that sounds so easy to say, but I don't say it lightly. We've all lived through some mighty big trials and seen how a mighty big God can bring comfort and wisdom and work it all out for good.
You guys will definitely be in our prayers!
Jennifer and John,
Our hearts and thoughts and prayers are with you. I pray that with all of the "wonder" that God wil also give you a sense of anticipation, and sense of peace as you look to Him at this time. Hang on. It's going to be okay. Your trust in the Lord will be a blazing witness of His faithfulness. We love you. Gloria and fam
OH my heart is aching for you....I hate that you are going through this trial, but let me tell you first hand, YOUR JOURNEY HERE WASN'T FOR NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!
As the tears flow from my face and our through my words now, you have been such a blessing to me alone and to my family, but for right now, ME!
See, you came into my life when I was at an all time low. I was so severely depressed and depleted from a friendship that I felt so alone in. You brought light, hope and freshness. You helped me to see that it wasnt what I got out of it, but what the Lord was using through me. You encouraged me to be a better teacher to my kids! I have taught my kids more this year than any other year because of your influence. I picked up my sewing again because of your influence! I've become more giving to others because of your influence! So please don't feel that your move here to NC didn't impact anyone, it was for HIS glory and you listened to His calling on your life! Your Obedience will be rewarded! I can't imagine how you feel right now, but I am praying often that you feel His presence in this new journey and that He reveals His plan for you quickly.
I love you friend, whether you live here or elsewhere. You have touched my heart forever!! Kass
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