Fighting off the feeling of depression seems to have become a yearly ritual I am dealing with at the close of summer. It has also been the time that after moving expenses and things begin to settle in a new home, the financial strain is felt. We have moved from one location to another for the past three summers in a row. Summer of 2008 we moved from TN to NC, then summer of 2009 we moved from the apartment to a house in Statesville, then this summer (2010) we moved from NC to IN. Let's just say that I am hoping we will stay in one place a little longer this time.
For the last two weeks I have been working around the clock. Unfortunately the positions of being a home maker and homeschool teacher don't pay. John has been working hard with the kick off of a new school year in the school picture business. We have both been preoccupied with our own responsibilities. The girls have been very diligent and have bounced right back into a schedule but I have struggled with missing my homeschool mom friends.
I don't want to have to look for new opportunities for the girls. You know - finding a new soccer team for them to play on, or finding a new dance studio, new classes or enrichment activities - new people, new routines. It has just made me sad. My heart starts to ache for the people we have left behind. With our current financial situation it doesn't look like we are going to be able to afford for the girls do any of these activities this semester anyways - which made my depression even worse. Funny right - you'd think I'd be happy that life was easier - all we have to do is stay home. But instead it has made me feel even lonelier.
I am searching for reasons why God has us here. I know it is all a part of His plan but wonder why it has to hurt so bad in the process. I feel like I've already had to deal with this once in my life and dont' want to do it again. I wonder why anyone would want to be my friend. These are the thoughts that I fight off each day. So if for no other reason, it at least feels better at the moment to write it down and release it. You can please pray for contentment for me.
2 comments:
Oh my dear friend. You are so loved and by so many. I can't imagine what you are going through, but the loneliness, depression and hurt I can relate to. God does have a bigger plan for you, bigger than any of us can see, but don't give up. Keep steady on His path, He will guide your every step. It is so easy for us to get hung up on the things that we can't offer our kids and we need to focus on what we can and have offered them. You are giving them the best, one on one education, a biblical foundation to grow in faith, unconditional love from sunrise to sunset, a firm understanding of their purpose in life and most of all you are giving yourself to them. There are so many mothers out there that can't give their kids what you are giving. Friends will come, but for now God wants you to focus on your home, your family, your husband. I feel just like you. Next week we start school again, all my homeschool moms are no longer homeschooling. They will no longer be there to support me through my school trials, but I am always and forever here for you! Even in NC, we can skype everyday, talk on the phone, email and it will almost be like we are together. I'm praying for you! I love you so much sister.....wishing I could hug you right now...it will have to wait 8 weeks and 3 days. Not that I'm counting!
oh Jenn
i'm so sorry! i hate hitting those down points that happen in life when things are "normal.: you have had a crazy year (or 2 or 3) and i can only imagine what that feels like. we so miss y'all and wish you were here to homeschool/church/friend with etc....
i think starting anything new can always be draining especially when you are starting new things in a new place as well! i WILL be praying for you and that you are able to get settled and involved quickly. once you are in a church and start to find a niche in other areas, it won't take long for y'all to make great friends because you are a great friend:)
miss you and love you and would love to meet you soon so we can catch up!
e
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